Nonviolent communication is a key to better understanding and cooperation.
Marshall Rosenberg developed Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as a communication and conflict resolution process. The fundamental principle of NVC is to enable authentic, respectful contact between people. It's about building an empathetic connection with ourselves and others. Essential to this is the inner attitude that places everyone's needs at the center. This is expressed by trying to move away from our automatic language, where we often judge the other person in conflict situations or look for who is right or wrong. If I leave out the accusations and judgments of the other person in a conflict conversation and instead speak from what is alive within me, the chances increase rapidly that the other person can listen to me and that my needs are met. Greater freedom and self-efficacy arise when I become aware of my feelings and needs and take responsibility for them. Methodologically, Marshall Rosenberg recommends the "4-Step Model," which we use as a tool to express ourselves in such a way that the other person remains connected to us, even when dealing with difficult topics. In Nonviolent Communication, we assume:
that every person wants to be a gift to others and to the world;
that it is in human nature to give out of joy;
that all people have the same needs, only choosing different actions to fulfill them (albeit sometimes tragically);
that all our actions are a conscious or unconscious expression of our needs;
that every need serves life;
that life means laughing all our laughter and crying all our tears...
The prerequisite for this is developing spaces within and between ourselves and others where all our feelings and needs are welcome.
Imagine carrying these attitudes within every single cell structure of your body at all times, and meeting every single person with precisely this attitude, and vice versa. Despite potentially difficult topics, there would always be a loving interpersonal connection and mindful communication. Mindful use of language and thoughts towards oneself and others creates fertile ground for harmonious coexistence. The moment of stillness, in which something stirs, in which the decision is made to show up with what is truly present – regardless of whether it is pleasant or not. In these moments, the space between two or more people is filled, and a deep stillness descends. Nonviolent Communication, as developed by Marshall B. Rosenberg, is more than a powerful linguistic tool. Rather, it fosters an attitude that is also well-received by the other person. With 'Nonviolent Communication,' Marshall B. Rosenberg developed a method that enables fruitful conversations on equal footing. Instead of getting stuck in old patterns of justification, accusation, or withdrawal, the focus should be on an honest exchange of feelings and needs between the two people involved. If I want to be understood, it's helpful to share what's going on inside me:
describe the pure OBSERVATION of the trigger
what FEELINGS were evoked by the situation
what VALUES and NEEDS underlie my feelings
what specific REQUEST will help me fulfill my needs?
If my goal is to understand the other person, then I want to know:
their OBSERVATIONS
their FEELINGS
their VALUES and NEEDS
and what REQUEST they have? Observation instead of judgment, evaluation, comparison, analysis / "What was?" Feelings instead of assumption, interpretation / "How am I/are you feeling right now?" Needs instead of strategies / "What is important to me/you?" Requests instead of demands "What would I/would you like to ask for?" Nonviolent Communication (NVC) has a lot to do with slowing down. We don't have to hide what's important to us. NVC assumes that whatever we do is to fulfill a need.
The Art of Communication
Being honest without accusing
Being fully heard and understood
Hearing and understanding fully
Transforming anger and rage into powerful, connecting language
Developing appreciation for oneself and others
Taking every concern seriously
Managing conflicts with trust
Encouraging voluntary cooperation
Never hearing accusations or criticism again
Deepening good relationships
Seeing the beauty in every person Whatever, however our counterpart speaks: We have the freedom to choose with which ears we want to listen.
