Small and big steps to the here and now
Alexandra Akeesha Brand , born 14.03.1971
For more than 20 years now, the systemic method has been helping me to look at myself and my system and to allow me a different perspective on constellations, blockages and thought patterns that I feel are entangled. After many years of experience, I decided in 2014 to start an apprenticeship as a family constellator and FamilyCoach Professional® (FCP) at Axel Doderer. I successfully completed this in May 2016.
It is these milestones and these small steps that led me to take an all-changing and even bigger step. In October 2015 I attended an introductory weekend with Craniosacral Healing® and received clear signals that I have a talent for craniosacral bodywork. Feeling the craniosacral rhythm felt like "coming home", my high sensitivity found a home here.
At the end of 2017 I also successfully completed my training as a CranioSacral Healing® therapist. Since 2020, my new CranioSacral treatment room has been located right next to my seminar room, thus freeing up space to offer a short integrative body session as a rounding off, even after individual coaching. I'm always happy when someone finds their way to me and is allowed to leave a little easier, clearer and more relaxed.
Written on November 25th, 2021 and just as I was typing the date I realized that I broke up with my ex-husband exactly two years ago today...:
For me there are basically two phases of life on my way, I've only just entered the second phase of my life and it often still feels very unfamiliar.
The first phase went
49 years
and wears them
Heading FOG with the subtitle Lies, Narcissism and Gaslighting.
The second phase has
started in late 49
and wears them
Heading SECURITY with the subheading Honesty, Silence and Reassurance
. I've often said it to my friends lately that it's only now that I can really feel safe. Why? Because I am no longer surrounded by lies, because I have broken through the fog of narcissism, manipulation, covert competition, distortion of facts, gaslighting (and hopefully for the future too) and this since my childhood, because I have it again completely lit with the great shock of my ex-husband's revelation. I got the total reflection of my unconscious experience/energy from childhood in my second marriage: narcissism, lying, cheating, manipulation, competition, gaslighting, confusion, masking, callousness, sexual abuse and so much more.
The beginning of the second phase of life felt like a big, heavy curtain was pushed aside and suddenly a huge room revealed itself, and then you look at your whole life film from the front, but the light and the camera are different set. Then come the flashbacks, the clear view, seeing or “letting in” sequences from your own film that you couldn’t/wouldn’t see before… which are painful, so painful that sometimes it’s almost unbearable. The good thing is that I wasn't sitting in the front row anymore, but at the back, with a healthy distance and a good portion of protection. All the pieces of the puzzle fit together.
I start a new puzzle at 50
, take good care of the complete first puzzle, I'm sure I'll take it out often in order to puzzle it again and look at it again differently or anew, and then pack it away carefully again.
Maybe even a curtain will open again or I will solve another puzzle.
What helped me was acceptance of what is, letting go, breathing, the here and now, the help of my friends to feel my feelings, permanent body work, rest and deceleration, being honest and authentic and the humor.